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Showing posts with the label Identity

I'm nuanced okay?

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I had practiced this move so many times, but I couldn't do it now. I wasn't feeling it. The bow felt extra heavy in my hand, like it was made of iron. I looked over and saw Christopher and Martin talking to each other and looking at me out of the corner of their eyes. They were laughing quietly. I laughed too as if they'd told me the joke too, and their confused reaction to my laugh made me turn away quite quickly. I consoled myself thinking, Maybe they're not laughing at me. In fact, I have no clue what they're talking about.  The fact that the words "in fact" were part of my inner monologue made me laugh. Perhaps my inner self was a scholarly monk. I pulled the bow string back and felt the arrow wobble around my shaky finger. Catherine, standing next to me, had already fired off two shots.  I could do better than that, I thought. Not because she's a girl, of course. Of course! This gave me a surge of courage. Not only because I felt superior to her b...

I wasn't really there

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He bent over, unsure if he wanted to be there but already committed. It was immediate, no buildup. He moaned. Not with pleasure. But with what he'd heard others do in videos. It seems right, he thought, pushing the man's chest to where the man was now on his back while he did the riding. It wasn't bad, but he wasn't getting much pleasure from the experience. At least, not as much as the man was. He reflected that it might be nice to hop off and get the man an Uber right then. But that felt selfish. He allowed things to continue. Then he lay back and let the man finish on his stomach. Now that was unpleasant.  The man kissed him, telling him how his noises had helped him get there. It felt like a pro sport post game interview. He nodded and smiled hoping it looked genuine. He didn't quite feel like he was in his body. Literally. He saw himself from the side of the bed and watched the man hovering over him, breathing heavily. He watched himself smile and could see fro...