I'm nuanced okay?

I had practiced this move so many times, but I couldn't do it now. I wasn't feeling it. The bow felt extra heavy in my hand, like it was made of iron. I looked over and saw Christopher and Martin talking to each other and looking at me out of the corner of their eyes. They were laughing quietly. I laughed too as if they'd told me the joke too, and their confused reaction to my laugh made me turn away quite quickly.

I consoled myself thinking, Maybe they're not laughing at me. In fact, I have no clue what they're talking about. 

The fact that the words "in fact" were part of my inner monologue made me laugh. Perhaps my inner self was a scholarly monk.

I pulled the bow string back and felt the arrow wobble around my shaky finger. Catherine, standing next to me, had already fired off two shots. 

I could do better than that, I thought. Not because she's a girl, of course. Of course!

This gave me a surge of courage. Not only because I felt superior to her but also that I was a feminist. 

How nuanced I am! I thought, before cringing at my inner self.

I pulled the arrow back, took a deep breath, and fired. The target might as well not have been there, my aim was so far off the mark. 

Martin laughed out loud, and Chris had the decency to hold back his laughs. I felt my face get hot and knew my pale features made the red visible. Catherine didn't laugh and focused on her next shot. 

That's what I should be doing, I thought. Focusing on my shot. Not these jackoffs. 

No, I replied inwardly to myself. I shouldn't be mean to them, even in my head. I'm just protecting my ego. 

Well let me protect my ego, I replied to myself again. They hurt my feelings and that's not okay. 

I put another arrow in place and this time spread my legs in an athletic stance. I focused like Catherine. I took aim. I fired. 

It hit the target's bullseye. 

I did a grin that hit only the corner of my mouth. Catherine didn't react. I didn't hear laughs. I had silenced the crowd. 

Better stop while you're ahead, I thought. 

I went to the nearest barrel and poured myself a beer.