Spencer Moseley

Person 1: Holy shit, there’s a person standing on top of that building. Person 2: Holy—damn, you’re not kidding. Except he or she… they? Looks weird. Person 1: Yeah. I see a face. Person 2: Same. And a giant heart underneath it. Person 1: Where’s the rest of his body? Person 2: Yep. Wait is it a him? Oh yeah it’s a him. I see it now. Person 1: He has no other body parts. Just a face and a heart. WTF. Person 2: Is he trying to jump? Person 1: He’s definitely looking down at us. He’s smiling. (beat) Now he’s panicking. Person 2: Oh god. I can see his heart pounding. Like… aggressively. What the fuck is this? Person 1: I just wanted to see the Empire State Building. Person 2: Should we call for help? Person 1: OH SHIT. HE’S JUMPING. Person 2: Wh—what the— Why is he falling in slow motion? Person 1: He’s not falling. He’s… hovering. Person 2: He’s fully freaking out. But also— He's... fine? Person 1: I don’t want to catch him. Person 2:  Ew gross. Why would we? P...

i don't wanna keep living in a world where we pretend the “Baskin Robbins” logo shouldn’t be a robin (the bird) “basking” in the sunlight. we simply have to be better as a species and make this happen. not for our sake— for posterity. would we really want aliens to visit us and NOT see that? that’s the real question. a superhero whose only power is that he has a detachable penis. now that’s a story i can get behind. he uses his own dick as a whip, swinging it by the shaft while the hairy balls knock out his foes. okayyyy, spencer. stfu. lately i’ve been feeling like a silly goose. not always in the good way. i think it’s cuz i let judgment get to me. like if i’m singing in a grocery store (not too loudly, i’m not a psycho) and people look at me unfavorably, i give fucks. i literally hand them a fuck. they open the fuck-letter and it reads: “i’m sorry for being me. you are entitled to this letter as emotional compensation for making you feel uncomfortable while you looked for ...