A Small Smile on a Round Face

Ya don't say! I said. 

Why'd you say that? I asked myself. I anxiously did something weird with my hands. That must be what that bitch means by my anxious motions, I thought. Meh. She was right. I shouldn't feel so annoyed with her for just calling me out. Just felt like a power imbalance. Like she could correct me on shit but if I returned the favor, suddenly it's a problem. Even though her public speaking delivery was about as energized as a turtle who'd just hit a blunt. 

Fortunatelyyyy Maggie didn't mind what I'd said and smiled and a small laugh slipped out. Not forced, I noticed. I liked how her smile was small on her face. Because her face was rather round and made her whole mouth look small. Like one of those weird paintings. 

I gave her the ice cream cone that had slightly dripped on my thumb and she started licking it. I couldn't help feeling a little turned seeing her tongue like that. My brain immediately wandered.

But then we sat down and talked about our favorite small talk topics: weather and gas prices. And indeed the weather was slightly cool and slightly foggy, perfect for pretending there's more to say than there is. Maggie and I had done this before. Met at Jeni's. Talked about nothing. Just another two-former-coworkers-getting-ice-cream kind of hang.

And it was. 

Nothing special happened. Eventually the metal chair bothered me to the point of suggesting a walk down pothole lane. And she obliged, stuffing the cone-end in her mouth. She complained about the cold parts of the ice cream hitting her sensitive, back teeth. I sympathized. 

We stopped and looked at a mannequin through the window. It (she) was in a cute pose, a hand on one hip, the other arm resting at her side. I told Maggie to imagine her saying "Ya don't say". To my surprise, Maggie laughed at my callback. This was going better than most of my comedy nights. 

We kept walking and I pretended to break into one of the music shops. Those shops always have a saxaphone in the window, I thought (and also said out loud). And Maggie agreed. She imitated playing a saxaphone, and I started singing, "I'm never gonna dance agaaaaaain! Guilty feet have GOT no rhythm!" And suddenly we were both howling with laughter.

We should start a band, I told her. She brushed a curl out of her face and nodded and smiled and suddenly kissed me. It startled both of us. We pulled back slightly, but our hands stayed close, barely touching. That gentleness made my legs and arms tense. I was shaking slightly and I reached toward her side, where her shirt and shorts didn’t quite meet. Just a hint of skin. That didn’t help.

But she pulled away and did a cute spin. 

But I did NOT think it was cute because I wanted MORE. 

I had to actively stop myself from suggesting a hotel, which felt insane and also somehow justified. We’ve known each other forever, right? That counts for something. Still—I didn’t say it. And that restraint made me feel weirdly powerful. Like I was in control. 

So I did my own spin and met her energy and threw in some jazz hands. 

But by then her energy had calmed down and internally I was thinking: What the Fuck. 

So we walked back to our cars. She wasn’t looking at me, but she wasn’t pulling away either. And I had no idea what was happening.

But I was… happy?

Idk. It was weird.

And now you’ve read this.