tussles, green eggs, and other small mercies

-


tell me a story, said my son. i tussled his hair. tussling is my thing. love a tussle. and i cracked open dr. seuss to page 40. just kidding. no dr. seuss book makes it past 3 pages, i’m pretty sure.

GREEN EGGS AND HAM… then something about yams. idk. i lost the plot because i’d been selling bullshit all day and i was tired. but my son was fascinated. he was past the thumb-sucking age but now in the nail-picking stage, and he hung onto every word with this neutral expression, barely suppressing how excited he was that i was reading to him.

i’m not sure what he got out of it. ok, just kidding again. he loved me. and i loved him. and reading to him connected us. and dr. seuss had enough rhyme scheme and a passable plot to keep his young brain engaged.

i sipped my coffee. it had unsweetened almond milk and was an unsweet coffee. it had this fake flavor i could tolerate and slightly enjoy. chobani’s unsweet creamer was also weird. i guess all diet drinks are.

he lulled into sleep at page 2 and i could sip fully in peace now. he didn’t snore, but he was on the verge of it. and i wiped something gross from his nose and brushed that grossness onto his bed sheets. this is life now, i thought. not fast. not slow. not predictable.

i went to my room and my wife had her back turned toward me. we’d had a fight. so i lit a candle and watched it burn until i figured i should blow it out. wouldn’t want the house to burn down.

were my dreams coming true? were they everything i’d hoped for?

idk. maybe i never will. but this moment — this one right here — was worth it, i guessed.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Is everything okay man?

-
The most terrifying question: "Is everything okay?" What would I even say to that? That the wave of uncertainty stemming from my lack of purpose is devouring my soul day by day? Clouding my brain? Draining my motivation? Locking me into a routine of hope and disappointment? I've tried Jesus (the prescription for everything). I talk to him. But I know I'm just having an inner monologue. The "Jesus" I talk to just so happens to be a reflection of myself. When he tells me to "enjoy that Taco Bell," I've brought my shallow image of him to life: a reminder that "the Father and I are one." Someone might say: "But Jesus is completely real, and you have to connect with Bible Jesus rather than the version you've created in your head. Ah, the Bible. Perhaps that's true. But... If I believed he was literally real, as presented in the Bible, would he start speaking to me?  From past experience, he didn't. All quiet on the western...
Read more

Lila

-
"If your cat ever harmed my daughter, I'd drown your cat," said Martha jokingly. *Context: Martha's 2-year-old daughter had been pulling Dana's cat's hair and trying to ride her like a horse until the cat hissed in frustration.* Dana leaned back in her chair. She put her left hand under her right armpit. After some time, she replied with no venom: "When I was little, my family had a big cat named Lila. She was a good cat. And she was blessed with long white hair. I had a habit of pulling on this hair with all my might when I was little, and usually, my dad was there to tell me to stop when Lila hissed at me. But one day, he wasn't. And I ignored Lila's hisses until she bit my hand. I screamed in agony, and my dad ran over from the backyard. As he bandaged my hand, he said, 'Well, that's what happens when we pull a cat's hair like that.'" "Well, I was just joking," said Martha.  "Very nice," said Dana.
Read more

General Confession

-
I had never told a priest certain sins. I thought sins had a statute of limitations. St. Ignatius did not agree. His spiritual exercises called for a general confession: where I would be expected to confess the sins from my entire life (even if I’d confessed them already). And I didn’t want to chicken out now. I’d written them down and whispered them aloud to myself several times to make sure I could get the words out.  I opened the creaky confessional door and saw a Hispanic priest behind the latticed screen and breathed easier. Maybe if I said my sins quickly he wouldn’t understand them.  I said my sins. The priest gasped audibly. Fuck. He understood.  I was shaking and sweating and got out of the confessional as quick as I could. I walked briskly up the driveway to the dormitory, feeling proud. I’d said my sins. I wouldn’t have to go to hell anymore.  Now to basque in a feeling of fulfillment, I thought. I walked past the Mary statue and into the locker room. I lo...
Read more