baby you ain't eva gotta change

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I was in a sentimental place for my last post. and now i'm more somber. somber is a good word huh. feels like you're cuddling with that one bear from that movie with the kid and the bear. i remember he looked like a younger tarzan or something. wtf was that movie about anyway? had some remake with christopher waken? Walken? Walker? Johnnie Walker black on ice. 

But anyway yeah i'm somber. how bout that weather huh? and them gas prices? 

i put my hand to my heart now and that's my prayer. i imagine this cool jesus. partially the jesus from the bible. partially my imagination. and he's always chilled out and having a good time. how do some people always seem at peace and chillin', you know? like mannn there's shit out here to worry about how can you be all chillaxedddd. 

i wanna go clubbing this weekend in a gandalf costume. and do some karaoke. and have those things that you crack and they light up neon green all over me. and wear light up shoes. that would be so fun. to get a weird group of people together to just bar hop in the strangest garb on a non halloween day. garb. that's a dope ass word mufucka. 

man am i stupid now? i feel stupider for posting this shit but i'm having fun. these are the kinda books i'd wanna read. poor punctuation. stream of consciousness. really learning the deep shit about a person. and man there's some shit under the surface for me. chatgpt informed me that i use humor as a coping mechanism. well of course i do. who wants to sit in their negative feels all day. gotta get out there and make people laugh. 

going back to the hand over heart thing. i imagine this jesus constantly telling me "i love you exactly as you are". and something about that just feels right. remember that badass scene from the prince of egypt? when you hear the cool sounds moses's staff makes on the ground. and how the fire burns the bush?

[imagine this happening right now. no mutherfucker don't keep reading. really imagine that shit. i'll know if you cheated and read past this before thoroughly imagining it]

nazis. 


see? i fucking told you i'd know. and now we both feel weird. 

nazis were not good. ok i'm glad we agree on something today. 

am i gay? is anyone gay? or is everyone cis and straight but also somehow pansexual and it doesn't make sense and nothing makes sense and we're all also trans at the same time. and yet eventually when we die all this stuff makes sense and we realize labels never mattered and we're dead so we're also like in this consciousness place. 

yes that's how i imagine the afterlife. we're in this bodyless conscious state wandering around on earth. but everything is foggy. kinda like "the further" from INSIDIOUS. if you know you know. ugh. hate whe people say "if you know you know". like i don't know. so fuck off. 

anyway. love you all and i'm stopping now. 


Psych. 


No really. 




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